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Honda Odyssey- Giving up or winning at life?
Ah yes, the minivan. The leggings of the car world. You see one driving by and it’s safe to assume there’s a frazzled mom without a bra on listening to kids music as she ushers her kids to and from…somewhere. Right? WRONG! Well… kind of wrong. Or, literally 100% right…. but I digress. The minivan, in particular, the Honda Odyssey, is not a vehicle to sneer at. Lemme tell you why.
Try and get an SUV with similar features and you’ll be paying thousands of dollars MORE, especially for the top models. Literally, the biggest difference is the shape of the vehicle itself (and maybe some towing capacity) You’re paying way more to simply NOT drive a minivan. Which is dumb, because minivans are awesome. They get better gas mileage, they fit more people, they are more versatile, sliding doors are the bomb, and they’re surprisingly fun to drive. In the battle of suburitank vs. minivan, the minivan will win every time.
It’s FUN to drive
No really, it is. It has a V6 engine, it’s aerodynamic, has a low center of gravity and a badass turning radius. I can park this thing just about anywhere. Also, have you ever noticed that all the Odysseys are FLYING by you on the highway? (You will now btw) It’s because they really do haul ass. It may look like we’re driving a sensible shoe, but it’s really an Air Jordan in disguise. I would seriously consider a racing career if I could use my van.
Even with all that, they’re incredibly safe. Probably one of, if not the safest vehicle out there. Safe AND fun? YUP.
Yes, this needs its own category. Picture this: Super crowded parking lot, but there’s ONE space and it’s a tight one. I squeeze in with about 6 in” on one side of the van and maybe 2″ on the other. No way am I getting out via a regular door, so SLIDING DOORS FOR THE WIN! Because there are a million cubic ft of space and ample room to move around inside, I easily climb into the back, press the magic button, and VIOLA! I’m out. No dents required. (This is a true story, friends. Be glad you know me.) Plus it’s nice that my kids can open and close the doors on their own, and aren’t flinging them around all willy nilly.
Also, school drop-off. Roll up, press a button and release the childrens, then press the button again and drive away. NO PANTS REQUIRED! This also works for airport drop-offs, designated driver situations, and anything requiring getaways. Just think about it.
The clown car effect
This is not a negative thing. My Honda Odyssey can haul ALL THE PEOPLE! Or ALL THE THINGS. Just this past week I had 4 adults and 4 car seats in that Bad Larry and guess what? We were all comfortable! Seatbelts and car seat tethers for DAYS y’all! I cannot even tell you how many times people have asked if we can take the van, simply because it fits us all. It’s a huge win guys, huge win.
Oh, and stuff? Don’t even get me started on the stuff. I can fit ALL the stuff. I fold down that third row (which takes 2 seconds) and suddenly I have a freakin’ walk-in closet back there. In a pinch, we could throw in an air mattress and go camping. It’s awesome. Need even MORE room? take out the second row (a little harder, but still super easy and fast to do) and now you have a creeper van with only the front seats and WAY too much room in the back. Helpful if you’re moving your small family of goats, I guess. Or your pet baby elephant. But for real, even with ALL the seats up, the space behind the third row is MORE than enough for what a typical family needs.
They can take a beating
Literally and figuratively. We have traversed the country in our 2014 Honda Odyssey. More than once. We drive it up and down steep mountains, through blizzards, and on creepy pot-hole filled dirt roads. My kids puke and pee in it. Our dogs and cat climb all over it. I spill things in it. I have even sideswiped a concrete thingy at the gas station in it. (Because I am a moron.) It’s still in great shape. It has been 5 years and 100k miles of torture for our beast of a van, and it’s only ever needed ONE major repair (Because I hit a bird that punctured our AC condenser. Again. I am a moron.) The best thing? Like leggings, no one thinks twice if a minivan has a little cosmetic issue. It’s an Odyssey, not a Lambo. Meaning the dent from my stupid gas station event doesn’t even register to the majority of people. Which leads me to my next point…
When there are no kids in my van, I am most likely rocking out. It is FUN to pull up at a stop light and watch people either react to my sweet dance moves OR try and figure out where the music is coming from. Did I mention the sound system in this thing yet? Because I should, it’s awesome. Anyway, I have a penchant for some death metal music. Or 90’s Rap. Or Deftones played VERY LOUDLY. No one suspects the minivan, but it’s ALMOST ALWAYS ME! MUAHAHA!
Aside from my desire for complete musical freedom, my van is great for blending in. I could be wrong, but I don’t think many car thieves are looking to steal a minivan. It just doesn’t stand out, and I am perfectly happy with that. Plus that Juice Plus sticker I slapped on the back doesn’t bother anyone! After all, it’s a mini-van. The least offensive car EVER.
Minivans are only for true badasses
No, I mean it. Anyone can feel like a badass driving a Corvette or whatever, but it takes a true BADASS to rule the road in a minivan. They are the ultimate in comfort and versatility, but also in self- acceptance. I love our van, it does everything we need it to, it’s reliable, comfortable, and in general, the best car I’ve owned. I honestly don’t understand wy they have the bad rap that they do. Or maybe they have some weird brainwashing effect…. either way, I love my Odyssey. I’m never going back. Because once you go van, you never go back.